Friday, February 5, 2010

Relationships - Mothers

A few days ago, I celebrated the 19th anniversary of my mother's death--her crossing over to the spiritual plane--the other side, if you will. I miss her, but at every turn in my life, there is some glimmer of her having been here. I look in the mirror and see traces of her looking back at me. In my behavior, personality, character traits--good and bad, I see her, too. I am the product of her genetic code to some extent.

I have been ruminating about the role mothers play in everyone's lives. Over the years, I have read cards and palms for hundreds of thousands of people. I have heard many people talk about their mothers and not all of what I heard was favorable. Not all of it was unfavorable either. Our humanity is what makes us who we are.

Now that I have reached the age where I embrace the concept of wisdom and cronehood, I see the relationship between a child and a mother in many different perspectives, and I can understand the various roles a mother (woman) plays in the lives of others.

Some of the roles mothers play are: friendly, loving, nurturing, suffocating, non-existent, toxic, drug- and/or alcohol-addicted, abusive in some way, supportive, aging, ill, and inspirational. Feel free to add your thoughts to this. What role your mother play in your life? Did it change as you did--as you grew older? If your relationship with her wasn't the way you wanted it to be, can you now accept the fact that she did the best she could?

Mothers often they deprive themselves or make sacrifices for their children. I know that there is an art to having and maintaining balance in your life if you have children or are a caretaker to an elderly parent or relative. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to mothering someone; it is a trial and error sort of thing. Babies do not come with instruction manuals.

Were you raised by the woman who gave birth to you? Were you abandoned? Adopted? Raised by a family member? Were you abused by whomever raised you? Did you raise yourself? What was your situation? Have you grown to be a positive contributing person to society as a result of your upbringing? I hope so.

Your obligation in life is to take the lessons you learned from the person who mothered or raised you, without blaming them for your shortcomings. Praise them for what they have done to help you become the person you are today, even if that was by abandoning you or abusing you.

My mother was a blamer. There are times, I blame people for things in my life. When I catch myself doing this, I stop, apologize, and ask to be forgiven. I hate being a blamer. However, I know that when someone has done something to me and I want to blame them for what happened, I look at myself to see why I allowed the situation to evolve the way it did and why I feel the way I do.

I acknowledge that I am a direct product my mother's programming and the programming of all people I encountered in my life. While I wish I had been more street-smart and less naive when I was growing up, I forged relationships based upon what I learned from her directly and indirectly. My lack of awareness when I was younger prevented me from making certain decisions. I have accepted the fact that I am the way I am. Any changes I make now depend upon how I re-program myself. I am a work in progress.

My mother knew how to squeeze a penny until it cried "please let me go!" She was beyond frugal. I am less frugal, but I also learned how to not deny myself things that I really, really want because of her. I learned to value things and I know what is necessary in my life and what is not. I understand her better now, and I have have a strong knowledge of life cycles--how things shift and change, and how we need to adapt and go with the flow.

While there is much I still need to learn, I credit my integrity and survival instincts to having been my mother's daughter, and I take responsibility for my actions. Unlike my mother, I am a square peg and I will not fit into a round hole. I will not make myself ill trying to please another person. I accept myself as a product of her belief systems and standards. I have also chosen to re-write the beliefs and standards that no longer serve me.

Regardless of your mother's shortcomings, addictions, issues, fears, etc. it is up to you to change your life for the better, and do the best you can with what you have experienced in order to live your life for yourself. Surround yourself with loving, supportive people and let the others go away, or send them away. How you handle these situations are unique unto you. Do the best you can with positive thoughts and work through your pain and anger. I know it is best to focus on positive thoughts and experiences only, so you can attract positive energy to you. What if you cannot? How do you process your pain, feelings of abuse and betrayal until you get to the point where you can let it go? Please comment and share them here.

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