Friday, November 20, 2009

Open Hearted

Today I asked for guidance from Sasha St. John's Gentle Wisdom of the Faerie Realms inspirational cards. (You can find her artwork and this deck at The first card I drew was Opportunities, but since I am in the process of creating beneficial opportunities and letting inappropriate opportunities pass me by, I asked for another card -- one in which I could focus on for inspiration and healing. As always, when I take a moment to focus, whatever deck of cards I choose -- Oracle or Tarot, it always supports me. The card that appeared on cue was entitled "Open Hearted."

I live Open Hearted. I need to protect my heart and emotions every day. Why? Because I am just hard-wired that way. I am a professional intuitive. I care about people who come to me for whatever reason. I want to help them. That is what makes me who I am. The Internet has provided us with an opportunity to find nearly anyone that we lost touch with over the years. What a wonderful gift we have been given -- the ability to reconnect with people from our past. On the other hand, sometimes we need to disconnect from people in our life, too.

Living with an open heart can create problems, because sometimes we hurt the people we love. Relationships are difficult because we have issues, hot buttons and wounds, and sometimes we let them get in the way. Today I lost a friend. I let her down in her time of need. What she may never know is that her pain was also mine. I let her terminate our friendship because I could no longer watch her make mistake after mistake. I turned into my mother. I am a know-it-all bitch. Oops. Did I make a mistake? Probably. I tried to share my wisdom and experience with her and explain why certain people do what they do, but she was unwilling to see my point of view. I still love her and will always have her in my prayers. I wish I could talk to some people in a way that does not hurt either of us, but being silent and not commenting is difficult for me.

I may be a strong person, but being an empath is not easy. I can be abrasive at times and I spew and vent and complain because that is how I get rid of the pain I feel from being an open-hearted, loving person. While I know this behavior is not considered healthy, I know it helps me release the pain I absorb. People who know me, know that I mean well and they understand that there are some things about me that I cannot change. It is not that I am unwilling to change, there are somethings that I just cannot change.

When I read for people who have relationship issues, I remind them that you cannot make people change. People will change if they want to, or if they can. When a relationship runs its course, it is because it has reached an impasse. I reached that point today. I could have accommodated my friend and made her feel good, but I just couldn't do it anymore. It was too painful for me to just listen and be "positive" because my realistic, practical side took over. I cannot change who I am. I acknowledge this fact. I can modify my behavior to a certain extent, but there comes a time when I cannot bend anymore. My close friends accept me as I am -- good, bad and indifferent, and I accept them exactly as they are, too.

The reason this friendship has come to an end is that I could not be the type of friend she needed/wanted. There are some personality traits that I possess that can be modified, but for the most part, I cannot walk on eggshells in any relationship for a long period of time. My close friends and others who know me, know my faults and understand that sometimes I am not a pleasant person. How does one protect an open heart? You do the best you can and hopefully that is enough. I would like to know how you protect your open heart and not feel such intense pain. Please share your thoughts and ideas with me. Thank you.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Reflection on Self

The word reflection keeps popping into my head today as does the story of how Narcissus spurned all of his male and/or female suitors and was punished by the Goddess Nemesis. She made him fall in love with his own reflection. Realizing the beautiful boy he was looking at in the pool of water was his own reflection, Narcissus took his own life. Why do I mention Narcissus? I mention him because the movie, fashion, and advertising industries keep bombarding us with images and words that tell us we are not thin, rich, successful, attractive, or desirable enough. Low self esteem sells products. Simple.

Why do I mention this aspect of reflection? I mention it because when we look into a mirror, we generally do so to make certain that we look presentable before venturing out into the world. Can you pass a mirror without taking a quick look at yourself? If so, how many times do you pass it before you take a look? Looking in a mirror can provide you with a reality check. Does your reflection represent how you feel inside? Or is it distorted? What do you think when you see your own reflection? Are you pleased with your appearance? If not, you should stop dwelling on what you perceive to be your flaws. Everyone is unique and beautiful. Find something about yourself that is attractive. Chances are you will begin to feel better, stronger and happier once you see yourself in a different light. If you like what you see, then pat yourself on the back.

When we reach a certain age, we change. It is inevitable that we will become older versions of ourselves, and in some cases we will turn into our parents to a greater or lesser degree. We can stay young forever in our minds and hearts if we choose to do so. There are days when I feel ageless, and then again, there are days when I feel old. This is a fact of life and it is OK. Of course, there is Plastic surgery and its non-invasive treatments if someone wants change their external appearance. Superficial changes may make someone feel better about themselves, but it will not change what is going on inside of them. If we change ourselves from the inside out, we are doing the work we need to do. We need to keep learning and growing and changing. I believe that reflection is necessary for introspection--before action.

Most of the time, when I look into a mirror, I look beyond my appearance. When I do this, I start reflecting upon my past--specifically, what kept me from doing what I wanted to do when I was younger. I remember how my issues and my parents' programming prevented me from fully embracing life. They wanted to protect me. I was so sheltered and naive. I occasionally feel the pain and loss of many missed opportunities, but then again, I reflect upon the choices I did make. I am thankful for the person I have become. Know that your life experiences contribute to making you the person you are right now. You can change any aspect of your self except for those things that are hard-wired into you. However, you cannot make someone else change. They will have to change if this is what they want to do. Remember this. Reflect upon that fact that you can only change yourself and monitor your actions.

Reflect back on some of the decisions you made in the past that impacted the lives of others. Think about the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." Can you recall at least one incident in your life where you made a decision to do something unselfishly and helped someone? If you did, you helped make their life better. In that instance, you were an angel. You helped create a small miracle.

Now, take a moment to look at the decisions you may have made recently regarding your own life. If you haven't made any decisions yet, are you are at a turning point? If so look at your options. Write them down. Do a storyboard or flowchart of where each option can take you. If you reflect on your past choices and experiences, you may be able to see things more objectively and clearly. Your life has taught you many lessons about yourself and the people with which you interacted. Trust what you know, and in a short while you will be able to transform your life. Little by little. Do not be in a hurry. Time and delays can be extremely helpful. If in doubt, reflect back to a similar situation in your past. You will do well.

One more thought on reflection...

When you look into a mirror say the following: "Mirror mirror, who am I?" The mirror will not answer you. You may not recognize yourself, but a small voice inside of you will direct you to start healing your wounds and work on the issues that block you from your childhood and young adulthood. Trust that your inner child will help you do your work.