Friday, November 20, 2009
Today I asked for guidance from Sasha St. John's Gentle Wisdom of the Faerie Realms inspirational cards. (You can find her artwork and this deck at http://www.sashastjohn.com/) The first card I drew was Opportunities, but since I am in the process of creating beneficial opportunities and letting inappropriate opportunities pass me by, I asked for another card -- one in which I could focus on for inspiration and healing. As always, when I take a moment to focus, whatever deck of cards I choose -- Oracle or Tarot, it always supports me. The card that appeared on cue was entitled "Open Hearted."
I live Open Hearted. I need to protect my heart and emotions every day. Why? Because I am just hard-wired that way. I am a professional intuitive. I care about people who come to me for whatever reason. I want to help them. That is what makes me who I am. The Internet has provided us with an opportunity to find nearly anyone that we lost touch with over the years. What a wonderful gift we have been given -- the ability to reconnect with people from our past. On the other hand, sometimes we need to disconnect from people in our life, too.
Living with an open heart can create problems, because sometimes we hurt the people we love. Relationships are difficult because we have issues, hot buttons and wounds, and sometimes we let them get in the way. Today I lost a friend. I let her down in her time of need. What she may never know is that her pain was also mine. I let her terminate our friendship because I could no longer watch her make mistake after mistake. I turned into my mother. I am a know-it-all bitch. Oops. Did I make a mistake? Probably. I tried to share my wisdom and experience with her and explain why certain people do what they do, but she was unwilling to see my point of view. I still love her and will always have her in my prayers. I wish I could talk to some people in a way that does not hurt either of us, but being silent and not commenting is difficult for me.
I may be a strong person, but being an empath is not easy. I can be abrasive at times and I spew and vent and complain because that is how I get rid of the pain I feel from being an open-hearted, loving person. While I know this behavior is not considered healthy, I know it helps me release the pain I absorb. People who know me, know that I mean well and they understand that there are some things about me that I cannot change. It is not that I am unwilling to change, there are somethings that I just cannot change.
When I read for people who have relationship issues, I remind them that you cannot make people change. People will change if they want to, or if they can. When a relationship runs its course, it is because it has reached an impasse. I reached that point today. I could have accommodated my friend and made her feel good, but I just couldn't do it anymore. It was too painful for me to just listen and be "positive" because my realistic, practical side took over. I cannot change who I am. I acknowledge this fact. I can modify my behavior to a certain extent, but there comes a time when I cannot bend anymore. My close friends accept me as I am -- good, bad and indifferent, and I accept them exactly as they are, too.
The reason this friendship has come to an end is that I could not be the type of friend she needed/wanted. There are some personality traits that I possess that can be modified, but for the most part, I cannot walk on eggshells in any relationship for a long period of time. My close friends and others who know me, know my faults and understand that sometimes I am not a pleasant person. How does one protect an open heart? You do the best you can and hopefully that is enough. I would like to know how you protect your open heart and not feel such intense pain. Please share your thoughts and ideas with me. Thank you.